I’m a talker. I will carry conversations. Lately, all I’ve wanted to do is sit in silence watching Netflix or sleep.
I know that’s not me.
So my sig-oth said to me awhile back that it might be time for me to seek some treatment (again). That’s his way of letting me know that I’m regressing. I can feel it. I think it’s the great divide between the forward thinkers and backsliders that’s going on in the States. There’s not a safe space here. And I’ve looked at all the cat videos I can stand.
I’ve done cognitive therapy. You sit and talk with the therapist who assures you that you’re living a guilt-free life. That works for awhile because logic. Problem is that the tangled brain/emotion/thoughts come back and, for me, it’s hard to hear her voice. Sounds crazy, right?
Right. Mental health issues. Crazy. Labels are great.
There are other options: meds, family therapy, group therapy, and exposure therapy. Fucking all the therapy makes you talk and I don’t want to do that. Feeling like a little chicken-hearted punk because I know I need to go, but it’s sure comfortable in my little zoned out spot on the couch.
It’s not enough that we have maggots. The Other Other One About the VA
Google auto fills “vet suicides at” with:
- Phoenix VA
- Denver VA
- Attempts per day
It doesn’t tell you about the one that happened in Albuquerque on the 22nd. Just like no one reported on James Ingram III setting himself on fire in a VA parking lot (The One About Ending It All) because apparently people pretend like none of this is happening.
All I know is what was reported by disabled veterans.org because there’s nothing else to find. I even checked the Albuquerque Journal‘s obit section and none listed the cause of death as a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head while standing at the doors of the Albuquerque VA hospital .
Reach out. I didn’t seek help – it was thrust on me. A friend made the appointment at the VA for me. It wasn’t my answer. Compartmentalization will break down. Seek help and/be the help. Anything less is a Rook mistake.
His name was Ingram.
It’s taken me a while to be able to articulate my thoughts on this.
Charles Ingram III out of Egg Harbor did willingly and with forethought set himself on fire at a VA hospital in Jersey.
Let that sink in.
A man bought gasoline, drove to the hospital, doused himself in the stuff, and lit it up.
A man who served his country on a float in the Med during Desert Storm burned himself alive at the place that was supposed to be providing the mental health services he needed.
He left his wife and had two kids under the age of 5.
What the actual fuck, people?
Where’s the outrage? Where’s the public outcry?
I’d only heard about it because of the pages I frequent. It didn’t make the news in Texas.
Welcome to the world of disposable heroes.
TL;DR: When no one listens people go drastic. Fuck, this is all a rook mistake.