Yeah, it’s been awhile. Again, pretend I’m wearing a hairshirt and have mea culpa tattooed across my forehead. You know, like every other time I religiously skip blogging for long periods of time.
It’s who I am.
I missed the Leadership in Teaching meeting because I didn’t know they rescheduled. That meant I didn’t get my hour and a half of prep time before classes and I had a huge embarrassment issue with missing a LEADERSHIP meeting.
I drove home.
I didn’t go to work after staying home all weekend. I am now super attached to HOME.
Had a full on panic attack on my way HOME from the writing class last night. It was brought on by the anxiety of leaving HOME for work.
HOME is good. HOME is safe.
So here I am today.
Home. And I do not want to leave it.
The aftermath is that I know how ridiculous it sounds. That my body aches from being clenched up into a tight ball. That my throat is raw from crying.
Yes, I’m on medication.
Yes, I have support.
Yes, I have a weighted blanket.
Yes, it’s been months and months since this happened.
But it still happened.
And I’m still here.
TL;DR: You can be prepared for a panic attack, but they will still happen. To expect anything else is a Rook Mistake